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My Week Rewriting Opening Paragraphs
Monday
It was the first sentence that ruined the whole feature.
The reporting was strong. The interviews were vivid. The subject — a town rebuilding its library after a flood — had emotional weight without needing exaggeration. But the opening paragraph tried to introduce the disaster, the building, the mayor, the volunteers, the insurance dispute, and the historical significance of the library in six lines.
By the time I reached the second paragraph, I had forgotten what the story wanted me to notice.
I cut the opening to three sentences.
Then I tried an it-cleft:
"It was the children's room that reopened first."
That sentence changed the centre of gravity.
The neutral version was:
"The children's room reopened first."
Perfectly correct. But the cleft version answered an implicit question: which part of the library mattered first in the story?