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“ Then you want me not to let some previous conviction injure the receptivity of my mind with regard to some strange matter . Do I read your lesson aright ? ” “ Ah , you are my favourite pupil still . It is worth to teach you . Now that you are willing to understand , you have taken the first step to understand . You think then that those so small holes in the children’s throats were made by the same that made the hole in Miss Lucy ? ” “ I suppose so . ” He stood up and said solemnly : — “ Then you are wrong . Oh , would it were so ! but alas ! no . It is worse , far , far worse . ” “ In God’s name , Professor Van Helsing , what do you mean ? ” I cried . He threw himself with a despairing gesture into a chair , and placed his elbows on the table , covering his face with his hands as he spoke : — “ They were made by Miss Lucy ! ” CHAPTER XV DR . SEWARD’S DIARY — continued . FOR a while sheer anger mastered me ; it was as if he had during her life struck Lucy on the face . I smote the table hard and rose up as I said to him : — “ Dr . Van Helsing , are you mad ? ” He raised his head and looked at me , and somehow the tenderness of his face calmed me at once . “ Would I were ! ” he said . “ Madness were easy to bear compared with truth like this . Oh , my friend , why , think you , did I go so far round , why take so long to tell you so simple a thing ? Was it because I hate you and have hated you all my life ? Was it because I wished to give you pain ? Was it that I wanted , now so late , revenge for that time when you saved my life , and from a fearful death ? Ah no ! ” “ Forgive me , ” said I . He went on : — “ My friend , it was because I wished to be gentle in the breaking to you , for I know you have loved that so sweet lady . But even yet I do not expect you to believe . It is so hard to accept at once any abstract truth , that we may doubt such to be possible when we have always believed the ‘ no ’ of it ; it is more hard still to accept so sad a concrete truth , and of such a one as Miss Lucy . To - night I go to prove it . Dare you come with me ? ” This staggered me . A man does not like to prove such a truth ; Byron excepted from the category , jealousy . “ And prove the very truth he most abhorred . ” He saw my hesitation , and spoke : —
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