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CHAPTER XXII JONATHAN HARKER’S JOURNAL 3 October . — As I must do something or go mad , I write this diary . It is now six o’clock , and we are to meet in the study in half an hour and take something to eat ; for Dr . Van Helsing and Dr . Seward are agreed that if we do not eat we cannot work our best . Our best will be , God knows , required to - day . I must keep writing at every chance , for I dare not stop to think . All , big and little , must go down ; perhaps at the end the little things may teach us most . The teaching , big or little , could not have landed Mina or me anywhere worse than we are to - day . However , we must trust and hope . Poor Mina told me just now , with the tears running down her dear cheeks , that it is in trouble and trial that our faith is tested — that we must keep on trusting ; and that God will aid us up to the end . The end ! oh my God ! what end ? . . . To work ! To work ! When Dr . Van Helsing and Dr . Seward had come back from seeing poor Renfield , we went gravely into what was to be done . First , Dr . Seward told us that when he and Dr . Van Helsing had gone down to the room below they had found Renfield lying on the floor , all in a heap . His face was all bruised and crushed in , and the bones of the neck were broken . Dr . Seward asked the attendant who was on duty in the passage if he had heard anything . He said that he had been sitting down — he confessed to half dozing — when he heard loud voices in the room , and then Renfield had called out loudly several times , “ God ! God ! God ! ” after that there was a sound of falling , and when he entered the room he found him lying on the floor , face down , just as the doctors had seen him . Van Helsing asked if he had heard “ voices ” or “ a voice , ” and he said he could not say ; that at first it had seemed to him as if there were two , but as there was no one in the room it could have been only one . He could swear to it , if required , that the word “ God ” was spoken by the patient . Dr . Seward said to us , when we were alone , that he did not wish to go into the matter ; the question of an inquest had to be considered , and it would never do to put forward the truth , as no one would believe it . As it was , he thought that on the attendant’s evidence he could give a certificate of death by misadventure in falling from bed . In case the coroner should demand it , there would be a formal inquest , necessarily to the same result . When the question began to be discussed as to what should be our next step , the very first thing we decided was that Mina should be in full confidence ; that nothing of any sort — no matter how painful — should be kept from her . She herself agreed as to its wisdom , and it was pitiful to see her so brave and yet so sorrowful , and in such a depth of despair . “ There must be no concealment , ” she said , “ Alas ! we have had too much already . And besides there is nothing in all the world that can give me more pain than I have already endured — than I suffer now ! Whatever may happen , it must be of new hope or of new courage to me ! ” Van Helsing was looking at her fixedly as she spoke , and said , suddenly but quietly : —
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