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Dry heat upon my brow ? Oh ! time was , when as the sunrise nobly spurred me , so the sunset soothed . No more . This lovely light , it lights not me ; all loveliness is anguish to me , since I can ne’er enjoy . Gifted with the high perception , I lack the low , enjoying power ; damned , most subtly and most malignantly ! damned in the midst of Paradise ! Good night — good night ! ( waving his hand , he moves from the window . ) ’ Twas not so hard a task . I thought to find one stubborn , at the least ; but my one cogged circle fits into all their various wheels , and they revolve . Or , if you will , like so many ant - hills of powder , they all stand before me ; and I their match . Oh , hard ! that to fire others , the match itself must needs be wasting ! What I’ve dared , I’ve willed ; and what I’ve willed , I’ll do ! They think me mad — Starbuck does ; but I’m demoniac , I am madness maddened ! That wild madness that’s only calm to comprehend itself ! The prophecy was that I should be dismembered ; and — Aye ! I lost this leg . I now prophesy that I will dismember my dismemberer . Now , then , be the prophet and the fulfiller one . That’s more than ye , ye great gods , ever were . I laugh and hoot at ye , ye cricket - players , ye pugilists , ye deaf Burkes and blinded Bendigoes ! I will not say as schoolboys do to bullies — Take some one of your own size ; don’t pommel me ! No , ye’ve knocked me down , and I am up again ; but ye have run and hidden . Come forth from behind your cotton bags ! I have no long gun to reach ye . Come , Ahab’s compliments to ye ; come and see if ye can swerve me . Swerve me ? ye cannot swerve me , else ye swerve yourselves ! man has ye there . Swerve me ? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails , whereon my soul is grooved to run . Over unsounded gorges , through the rifled hearts of mountains , under torrents ’ beds , unerringly I rush ! Naught’s an obstacle , naught’s an angle to the iron way ! CHAPTER 38 . Dusk . By the Mainmast ; Starbuck leaning against it . My soul is more than matched ; she’s overmanned ; and by a madman ! Insufferable sting , that sanity should ground arms on such a field ! But he drilled deep down , and blasted all my reason out of me ! I think I see his impious end ; but feel that I must help him to it . Will I , nill I , the ineffable thing has tied me to him ; tows me with a cable I have no knife to cut . Horrible old man ! Who’s over him , he cries ; — aye , he would be a democrat to all above ; look , how he lords it over all below ! Oh ! I plainly see my miserable office , — to obey , rebelling ; and worse yet , to hate with touch of pity !
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