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“ Now , Dodo , do listen to what James says , ” said Celia , “ else you will be getting into a scrape . You always did , and you always will , when you set about doing as you please . And I think it is a mercy now after all that you have got James to think for you . He lets you have your plans , only he hinders you from being taken in . And that is the good of having a brother instead of a husband . A husband would not let you have your plans . ” “ As if I wanted a husband ! ” said Dorothea . “ I only want not to have my feelings checked at every turn . ” Mrs . Casaubon was still undisciplined enough to burst into angry tears . “ Now , really , Dodo , ” said Celia , with rather a deeper guttural than usual , “ you are contradictory : first one thing and then another . You used to submit to Mr . Casaubon quite shamefully : I think you would have given up ever coming to see me if he had asked you . ” “ Of course I submitted to him , because it was my duty ; it was my feeling for him , ” said Dorothea , looking through the prism of her tears . “ Then why can’t you think it your duty to submit a little to what James wishes ? ” said Celia , with a sense of stringency in her argument . “ Because he only wishes what is for your own good . And , of course , men know best about everything , except what women know better . ” Dorothea laughed and forgot her tears . “ Well , I mean about babies and those things , ” explained Celia . “ I should not give up to James when I knew he was wrong , as you used to do to Mr . Casaubon . ” CHAPTER LXXIII . Pity the laden one ; this wandering woe May visit you and me . When Lydgate had allayed Mrs . Bulstrode’s anxiety by telling her that her husband had been seized with faintness at the meeting , but that he trusted soon to see him better and would call again the next day , unless she sent for him earlier , he went directly home , got on his horse , and rode three miles out of the town for the sake of being out of reach . He felt himself becoming violent and unreasonable as if raging under the pain of stings : he was ready to curse the day on which he had come to Middlemarch . Everything that had happened to him there seemed a mere preparation for this hateful fatality , which had come as a blight on his honorable ambition , and must make even people who had only vulgar standards regard his reputation as irrevocably damaged . In such moments a man can hardly escape being unloving . Lydgate thought of himself as the sufferer , and of others as the agents who had injured his lot . He had meant everything to turn out differently ; and others had thrust themselves into his life and thwarted his purposes . His marriage seemed an unmitigated calamity ; and he was afraid of going to Rosamond before he had vented himself in this solitary rage , lest the mere sight of her should exasperate him and make him behave unwarrantably .
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