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CHAPTER XVI . Marianne would have thought herself very inexcusable had she been able to sleep at all the first night after parting from Willoughby . She would have been ashamed to look her family in the face the next morning , had she not risen from her bed in more need of repose than when she lay down in it . But the feelings which made such composure a disgrace , left her in no danger of incurring it . She was awake the whole night , and she wept the greatest part of it . She got up with a headache , was unable to talk , and unwilling to take any nourishment ; giving pain every moment to her mother and sisters , and forbidding all attempt at consolation from either . Her sensibility was potent enough ! When breakfast was over she walked out by herself , and wandered about the village of Allenham , indulging the recollection of past enjoyment and crying over the present reverse for the chief of the morning . The evening passed off in the equal indulgence of feeling . She played over every favourite song that she had been used to play to Willoughby , every air in which their voices had been oftenest joined , and sat at the instrument gazing on every line of music that he had written out for her , till her heart was so heavy that no farther sadness could be gained ; and this nourishment of grief was every day applied . She spent whole hours at the pianoforte alternately singing and crying ; her voice often totally suspended by her tears . In books too , as well as in music , she courted the misery which a contrast between the past and present was certain of giving . She read nothing but what they had been used to read together . Such violence of affliction indeed could not be supported for ever ; it sunk within a few days into a calmer melancholy ; but these employments , to which she daily recurred , her solitary walks and silent meditations , still produced occasional effusions of sorrow as lively as ever . No letter from Willoughby came ; and none seemed expected by Marianne . Her mother was surprised , and Elinor again became uneasy . But Mrs . Dashwood could find explanations whenever she wanted them , which at least satisfied herself . “ Remember , Elinor , ” said she , “ how very often Sir John fetches our letters himself from the post , and carries them to it . We have already agreed that secrecy may be necessary , and we must acknowledge that it could not be maintained if their correspondence were to pass through Sir John’s hands . ” Elinor could not deny the truth of this , and she tried to find in it a motive sufficient for their silence . But there was one method so direct , so simple , and in her opinion so eligible of knowing the real state of the affair , and of instantly removing all mystery , that she could not help suggesting it to her mother . “ Why do you not ask Marianne at once , ” said she , “ whether she is or she is not engaged to Willoughby ? From you , her mother , and so kind , so indulgent a mother , the question could not give offence . It would be the natural result of your affection for her . She used to be all unreserve , and to you more especially . ”
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