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Lena had her ticket in her pocket and her feet pointed at the exit . The train to the city she had never visited was already at the platform , and she wanted to be on it . She also wanted , just as strongly , to go home , lock the door , and tell herself she would try another day . Her heart was loud in her ears . The announcement said the train would leave soon . She did not move . A man with a suitcase bumped her shoulder and apologized . Lena nodded , but her mouth was dry , and the apology felt far away . She had felt this before , in her kitchen , the week she bought the ticket . Then she had practiced a slow breath : in through the nose , a short hold , out through the mouth . She did it now , once , then again . The platform did not become calm . Her shoulders dropped a little , which was all she had hoped for . She tried the other thing she had practiced . Five things she could see : the yellow line , a red suitcase , a child in a blue cap , the station clock , her own shoes . Four things she could touch : the ticket , the strap of her bag , the cold rail , the fabric of her coat . She did not finish the whole list . Three sounds were enough to bring her back : wheels , a laugh , her own breath . The fear was still there . It was no longer the only thing in her head . The doors were open . Lena watched a woman step on without looking back , as if a train were an ordinary object . Lena wanted that ease , and she did not have it . She had the ticket , the breath , and a reason : a friend was waiting at the other end , and Lena had promised to come . She put one foot on the step . The metal was solid . She put the other foot after it . Inside , she found a seat by the window and sat with her bag on her lap , as if she might still jump off . A boy across the aisle asked his mother if they were moving yet . The mother said yes , soon . Lena held the ticket where she could see it . Her hands were still cold . When the doors shut , the sound was final , and she let the bag slide to the floor . The train pulled away from the platform . Lena watched the yellow line shrink . She was not suddenly brave , and the city ahead was still unknown . She was on the train she had come to catch . For this morning , that was the whole task , and she had done it .
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