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His tale had occupied the whole day , and the sun was upon the verge of the horizon when he departed . I knew that I ought to hasten my descent towards the valley , as I should soon be encompassed in darkness ; but my heart was heavy , and my steps slow . The labour of winding among the little paths of the mountain and fixing my feet firmly as I advanced perplexed me , occupied as I was by the emotions which the occurrences of the day had produced . Night was far advanced when I came to the halfway resting - place and seated myself beside the fountain . The stars shone at intervals as the clouds passed from over them ; the dark pines rose before me , and every here and there a broken tree lay on the ground ; it was a scene of wonderful solemnity and stirred strange thoughts within me . I wept bitterly , and clasping my hands in agony , I exclaimed , “ Oh ! stars and clouds and winds , ye are all about to mock me ; if ye really pity me , crush sensation and memory ; let me become as nought ; but if not , depart , depart , and leave me in darkness . ” These were wild and miserable thoughts , but I cannot describe to you how the eternal twinkling of the stars weighed upon me and how I listened to every blast of wind as if it were a dull ugly siroc on its way to consume me . Morning dawned before I arrived at the village of Chamounix ; I took no rest , but returned immediately to Geneva . Even in my own heart I could give no expression to my sensations — they weighed on me with a mountain’s weight and their excess destroyed my agony beneath them . Thus I returned home , and entering the house , presented myself to the family . My haggard and wild appearance awoke intense alarm , but I answered no question , scarcely did I speak . I felt as if I were placed under a ban — as if I had no right to claim their sympathies — as if never more might I enjoy companionship with them . Yet even thus I loved them to adoration ; and to save them , I resolved to dedicate myself to my most abhorred task . The prospect of such an occupation made every other circumstance of existence pass before me like a dream , and that thought only had to me the reality of life . Chapter 18 Day after day , week after week , passed away on my return to Geneva ; and I could not collect the courage to recommence my work . I feared the vengeance of the disappointed fiend , yet I was unable to overcome my repugnance to the task which was enjoined me . I found that I could not compose a female without again devoting several months to profound study and laborious disquisition . I had heard of some discoveries having been made by an English philosopher , the knowledge of which was material to my success , and I sometimes thought of obtaining my father’s consent to visit England for this purpose ; but I clung to every pretence of delay and shrank from taking the first step in an undertaking whose immediate necessity began to appear less absolute to me . A change indeed had taken place in me ; my health , which had hitherto declined , was now much restored ; and my spirits , when unchecked by the memory of my unhappy promise , rose proportionably .
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