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When Harriet had gone home , Emma sat alone for a long time and looked back at her own conduct . Her vanity , her blindness and her love of plans had brought nothing but trouble . She had been wrong about Mr Elton , wrong about Jane and Mr Dixon , and wrong about Frank . Now perhaps she had lost the one man she truly loved . “ If he marries Harriet , ” she thought , “ it will be my doing , and I shall deserve it . ” XVI . In the Garden at Hartfield Mr Knightley had gone to London to stay with his brother . But the next afternoon , as Emma was walking alone in the garden , he came through the gate . He had come back early . They walked together for a while , and he seemed quiet and grave . At last he spoke of Frank . “ I have heard the news , ” he said , and he drew her arm through his . “ Time , my dearest Emma , time will heal the wound . You will soon forget him . ” Emma understood that he thought she was in love with Frank , and she told him the truth at once . She had never loved Frank Churchill . She had only been flattered by his attentions , and she was ashamed of it . Mr Knightley listened , and his face slowly changed . “ He is a lucky man , ” he said . “ Fortune has given him a wife far better than he deserves . ” “ You speak as if you envied him . ” “ And I do envy him , Emma . In one respect , he is the object of my envy . ” Emma was afraid that he was going to speak of Harriet , and she could not bear to hear it . “ Do not tell me , ” she begged . Then she saw that she had hurt him , and she was sorry , and she went on more gently . “ If you want to speak to me as a friend , I will listen , and I will tell you just what I think . ” “ As a friend ! ” he said . “ No , Emma , I have no wish for that . Tell me , then : have I no chance of ever succeeding ? ” He stopped and looked into her face . “ My dearest Emma , ” he said , “ for dearest you will always be , whatever the end of this hour . If I loved you less , I might be able to talk about it more . But you know what I am . You hear nothing but truth from me . I have blamed you and lectured you , and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it . God knows I have been a very poor lover . But you understand me . ” Emma understood him . She did not say much , but what she said was enough . He told her later that he had loved her since she was thirteen . He had gone to London because he could not bear to watch her with Frank . When he heard about the secret engagement , he had ridden back at once , in the rain , to see how she was .
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